Silicon Valley Wife...Subscribes
January 2016 Boxycharm Review
I’d like to open this post by giving a very polite reprimand to the United States Postal Service. The reason I am not reviewing the December Boxycharm box is because…it never came to me. The USPS lost two boxes in a row. I’m not even joking. Apparently the postal service in Silicon Valley is the wild, wild, west of package delivery. Now I cannot ever order a replacement from Boxycharm ever again, as they would think I’m running some sort of subscription makeup ring in which I pretend to never get my things and then slowly amass a small stockpile of the same lipsticks that I sell out of the back of a truck…..but alas. I have not a single one of the December products to talk about. I’ve heard it was a great box, fully of cool lipliner and matching lip color…but I wouldn’t know. Thanks, USPS.
January’s theme was “Eyes on 2016,” and I’m strongly opinionated on the products. Let’s begin.
- Ardency Inn Modster, Smooth Ride Supercharged Eyeliner, in “green*”—$19.00
Some people received this eyeliner, and others received a felt-tipped black eyeliner that is apparently the best ever and would have changed my winged liner game for life. So, natch, I got the weird green liner. But hey—I’m not gonna hate. Green and purple are notoriously amazeballs for brown eyes, and I’ve already used this liner to do my waterline one morning and I loved it. Really good emerald color, didn’t run down my cheeks like leprechaun tears, and didn’t tug at my super-sensitive lash line. I like it. I just kind of wish it weren’t green, but at least it’s better than my previous green eyeliner, which by midday, made me look like I was auditioning for a job as an extra in the Wizard of Oz’s Green Man Group.
2. Royal & Langnickel Brush Set [R]evolution, set of three eye brushes—$23.97
Ugh. I have a current brush obsession. These are amazing. I don’t have much to say about them, because what can a person really write about brushes, other than they apply the thing they need to, and they do it well? These are just some no-nonsense eye brushes. Next.
3. Costal Scents Revealed Smoky, eyeshadow palette—$20.00
First of all, I REFUSE to list the price Boxycharm lists, as no one ever, EVER pays the full $39.95 for Coastal Scents palettes. They are always on sale for a cool Jackson (does anyone even say that?). But unlike the Revealed Coastal Scents palette, the Smoky palette is full-on DOPE. I’ve worn it every day this week. I’m obsessed. The colors are so intense, actually stay on my lids, and there is a good mix of mattes and shimmers. I recommend this palette hardcore. Only drawback? I’ve been going to work with insane smoky eye combos at 6:00 am due to my inability to lay off the awesomeness. Silicon Valley Wife doesn’t care much for social conventions, however, so this is only a minor problem.
4. Blinc Mascara Amplified—$26.00
Where to begin? This mascara is so complicated, Boxycharm had to post a damn Instagram video about it. The video ended with “Do not be alarmed! These are not your eyelashes falling off….” So you know this is gonna be good, right? Basically, Blinc makes “tubes” over your real eyelashes, so then all you do is use a little warm water and slight pressure and PRESTO—your eyelash tubes fall down your face like tiny, disgusting black maggot creatures. Well, IG video or not, I was straight-up terrified. I screamed. I examined the little tubes very closely. I found that contrary to the video’s soothing message, it did rip out some of my actual eyelashes. I’m not sure if it was natural shedding or tubes gone wild, though. I’ll have to try it one or two more times when I have more courage and I’ll report back. It was an okay looking natural mascara, good for a daytime look, but it wasn’t anything worth losing lashes over.
Verdict: This box always makes me so happy. The value is always off the charts, and for $21.00/month, I feel like I’m consistently getting my money’s worth.
*I’m too lazy to go see what the actual color name is, so we’ll call it like we see it.