Silicon Valley Wife...Subscribes
July’s Hits and Misses
Let’s get down to brass tacks. I love reviewing my subscription boxes, but that is pretty much all this blog has turned into, so I am going to scale it back into a “monthly round-up” of sorts. Hits, misses, and mehs, all compiled into one neat and tidy (read: ramble-ish and non-sequitur) post.
Sachajuan Hair in the Sun (Popsugar, $32)
First off, this shiz smells DIVINE. I sniff it, and I am transported to a beach in Mexico. There I sit, drinking delicious cocktails, staring at the turquoise water. In reality, I’m in my overpriced California apartment, but this makes no difference. Now what does this product do, you may ask? Besides smelling delectable, I’m honestly not sure. It claims to protect your hair from UV rays and act as a mild styling agent, but I’ve currently just been using it as a hella smelly hair lotion.
Noyah Malbec Lipgloss (Boxycharm, $16)
Now this was a full-out surprise. In the tube, this looks like the exact color that would like horrific on my mouth, but in reality, it is much more subdued. Not only that, the formula is pretty non-sticky for a gloss. I’m way into the design of the gloss tube as well—the bamboo handle is super chic. I’m going to keep my eyes open for more Noyah products in the future.
Michael Stars Skinny Scarf (Popsugar, $30)
My knee-jerk reaction to this was “hell to the MF-ing no.” I had insta-flashbacks to the threadlike scarfs that my lovely biff and I used to wear in college. The kind that serve no actual purpose but to look like a decorative piece of yarn. Remember those? Yeah, thanks 2006. Well, this scarf could be that, but one must style it as a head wrap instead of a skinny neck piece to experience its true glory. This is perfect for a lazy day hairstyle. Positively perfect.
PYT Argan Oil and eva nyc Hair Serum (Boxycharm, $30, ipsy sample)
I’m obsessed with hair oils. Serums. Lotions. Whatever you want to call them. Give them to me and I will dump them over my hair, no questions asked. Hell, give me a bottle of canola oil and I’ll slather it on my scalp. My sad gollum-esque hair is still in recovery from multiple dye jobs, hair cuts, and general bafoonery, so my oil addiction is my attempt at reviving it. Though I don’t know much about either of these brands, I will be adding these to the deep-fryer vat that is my daily hair routine.
Oh My Brow! Brow Highlighter in Pearl (Popsugar, $19)
This is a great little highlighter stick. Much like the oil for the hair, give me any highlighter and I will find a way to use it. Shimmer and shine my face to the gods.
Ofra Professional Magnetic Palette (Boxycharm, $59)
This is the standout of the month. Magnetic palettes are so cool, especially since more boxes are sending singles of eyeshadows, blushes, etc. The colors of the included shadows are very versatile and have great pigmentation (guhhh most cliché thing ever to say about an eyeshadow, but its the #troof), and I can’t wait to put a look together with these little babies.
House of Pom Emoji Cocktail Napkins (Popsugar, $25)
Wait, I lied. This is the standout of the month. EMBROIDERED. EMOJI. COCKTAIL. NAPKINS. boom. Drop the mic.
Makeup Forever Excessive Lash Mascara Sample (ipsy)
I love mascaras, and I’m excited to try this one, but I’m not overly enthused by this sample’s presence in my bag. I was hoping for some of the new Benefit KaBrow samples, ya’ dig? But I’m sure this is going to be a great mascara, as most MUFE products are super solid.
Mally Beautiy Evercolor Starlight Waterproof Eyeliner Single (Boxycharm, $18)
In theory, I love this pencil. It is silvery turquoise, ethereal, and a seemingly perfect color for summer nights that turn into summer mornings…but I’m not sure I’ll deviate from my normal black or white tightline look for this pencil. I’m going to try. I’ll push out of my comfort zone.
Mellow Eyeshadow in Coco (ipsy)
This color is pretty enough, but also similar enough to about thirteen other eyeshadows I have. I will definitely get use out of it, though it wasn’t my favorite item of the month.
Trust Fund Beauty Nail Polish in No Filter (ipsy)
I just purged and reorganized all my nail polishes a few weeks ago, and I realized that, for a girl who hates to paint her own nails, I have a sh*tton of nail polish. I then vowed to not buy any more nail polish. What did I get this month in my bag? Nail polish. I think the name of the color is cute and it is super trendy….but I definitely don’t need it.
Sunny Life Inflatable Drink Holder (Popsugar, $18)
This has been the summer of inflatables and bopping around in the pool on pizzas and doughnuts and popsicles and swans and flamingos….the list of inanimate floating objects goes on and on. If anyone has seen my Instagram, it is clear I have succumbed to this inflatable pressure. But do four beverages really need a regal swan to ride upon whilst being in the pool? This is unclear to me.
ipsy Bag and Pintrill Pineapple Pin (Popsugar, $12)
Bag: Weird print. Weird metallics. Not a fan overall.
Pin: This little pineapple pin was cute enough…I just don’t know what I am supposed to do with it. Do I put it on my lapel? Does anyone besides a card carrying AARP member have a lapel?
J. Cat Eyebrow duo brow Pencil (ipsy)
This is the only product that I truly think is a little junky this month. The eyebrow pencil itself is so hard, it felt like taking a Crayola colored pencil and trying to fill my brows with it. Once the pigment finally showed up, it was a weird brick color (even though the package says it is dark brown) and it was wholly unflattering. Maybe I got a bad batch, but in general, I haven’t been impressed with any J. Cat products I get from ipsy.
There you have it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. My favorite this month was definitely the cocktail napkin collection, followed by the Ofra eyeshadow palette. Biggest no? Brow Pencil.
*NB: Any time I decide something is a miss, I want to be clear that I detest negativity in all forms, but especially when people bitch about subscription boxes and what comes in them. Dude, it’s supposed to be a surprise. You won’t love everything. I must say that Popsugar, Boxycharm, and ipsy light up my life (and mailbox) every month. I’m a loyal subscriber. These are just things that I might be gifting in the future, as they don’t jive with my personal style. This is not to say there is anything inherently wrong with any of these products or companies.