Thoughts Pondered While Pruning* My Wardrobe

*Like any tree trim worth its salt, this one was brought forth out of necessity rather than desire. Much like a mighty Oak stretching her branches dangerously into power lines, my dresser drawers were literally buckling at the weight of my workout leggings, many of which I hadn't worn since the Mayans predicted the end of the world**.


  1. "I had a definite tube top phase (TTP)."  Like any good TTP, I have few pictures documenting this.  Unlike a good TTP, it only happened five years ago.  But I had eight of them, and since I know I am among friends here, I will admit to how hard it was for me to part with them.  What if they were to be a stylistic linchpin in my next great ensemble? Alas.  I did end up donating them all to Goodwill, not because they embarrass me, but because I perceive the utility of a tube top to be that of a gym sock on a garter snake.  It is going to slither its way down your bod with every minuscule movement.  I hope you get the visual. 
  2. "The Pope saw me wear this, so it must be holy." I ran across the t-shirt I wore to my one and only audience with the Pope I attended in 2010.  I haven't worn it since then, but as I attempted to place it into donation territory, I hesitated. What if that once piece of clothing is a crucial identifier when I head up to the pearly gates?  What if I need it, much like a ticket stub at a concert?  Verdict: my $4.99 Old Navy v-neck stays.
  3. "My armpits cry black tears."  WARNING: this next point is real talk.  You've been warned.  Real talk: why is it that every last white shirt I own, regardless of the make, model, or year, has egregiously yellowed netherpit regions?  Does anyone know how I can prevent this from happening?  Advice?  Detergent? Pit guards? Tissues?  Double-shirting it?  Is it just me, or everybody?  I have so many questions.
  4. "Can I sage a shirt?"  I am one of those people who ties emotions very tightly to every damn thing I own on this physical plane.   As such, I resorted to sorting my clothing by "high energy" and "low energy" clothing.  I also pondered the capabilities of sage to allow some of my super low-frequency shirts to be saved.  I'm still curious about this, but decided that most of those shirts should go swim with the fishes.
  5. "Don't you snark at me, sarcastic tank top about drinking wine in yoga pants."  One of my tanks, which I used to love previously, was donated due to being "too sarcastic."  The message it delivered, you may ask?  "I do yoga to relieve stress.  Just kidding, I drink wine in my yoga pants."  Considering the newfound importance earnestness and positivity are playing in my life, I found it to be in poor form to wear such a tank top, even to sleep. We could change the phrase to  "I do yoga and drink wine in my yoga pants, because I find joy in both activities," but that would probably be too much work to change on a tank top. The type face would probably end up in my yellowed pits. :)